Final Blog Post!

Throughout the year, I have viewed blogging as a form of reflection and discussion. Blogs have allowed me to think through the texts we have read and really get an understanding of the themes of CORE. Specifically identity - each work has had some form of searching for true identity and blogging has provided an outlet for discovering these identities and struggles.

I have definitely reflected a lot in these posts. The blog has been an extension of the classroom. We can continue our discussions and theories with each other on our own time.

We have made a lot of connections with these blogs. References to movies, other works, other classes, and other subjects has really allowed our discussions to become much more in-depth and varied.

All in all, blogging, though a little hard to remember to do, has been a very interesting learning tool for me.

Persepolis 2

I wonder how the author felt while growing up during all this - there were so many shocking and disturbing things going on around her. Dealing with seeing her friend dying because of the bombs, being harassed and called a whore for wearing tight jeans, the stories of torture and horror that she listens too.

This story is her reflection on her experiences - but how did she feel during these experiences? I can't even imagine how she felt...

Persepolis 1

The images in this book are sometimes overwhelming. Actually, at most times, the images are extremely disturbing and scary. It makes the story so much more powerful.

However, it makes the reader feel so uncomfortable. It's hard to look at. You want to turn the page or look away - but you can't really fast-forward through a book that well. The images are always going to be there.

This book as been really hard to read - but it really sticks in your head.

Sue

"I wanted to find a girl, any girl at all." Nice, David. Really nice. "Then I saw a couple of girls, French whores, but they were not very attractive." Again, REAL NICE.

David really bothers me. His decision making skills are absolutely dreadful. And he seems to know that the decisions he makes will hurt both himself and the others around him.

The whole business with Sue is just a mess. Poor Sue. She gets loved and left...hmm...Ring any bells? That is the story of David's life. He loves people. And then leaves them. Exhibit A - Joey. Exhibit B - Hella (sort of). Exhibit C - Sue...I'm sure the list goes on.

Side Note - David

I was talking to one of my hall-mates about this book and we were discussing how we liked it - except for the main character.

David = Complete jerk. As my friend said: "He is too busy being sexually frustrated to be nice to anyone."

Understandably, being sexually confused is a large burden to bear. But David is really going about it horribly. He has succeeded in alienating basically everyone he knows and cares about (if he actually cares about them at all). I find that very annoying. It's almost as if he knows that he's being a rude jerk and just doesn't care enough.

Did something happen...

I could never tell whether or not David really loved Giovanni. I was too distracted by the sexual tension between them. There could not possibly be more sexual tension between them - and eventually it had to surface.

While looking for quotes for my essay, I stumbled across page 64 - where David and Giovanni go back to Giovanni's apartment after getting really drunk on white wine and oysters (an aphrodisiac, I might add)...

"I was trembling. I thought, if I do not open the door at once and get out of here, I am lost. But I knew I could not open the door, I knew it was too late....He pulled me against him...and slowly pulled me down with him to that bed. With everything in me screaming No! yet the sum of me sighed Yes."

So. There we go. David and Giovanni are certainly more than friends. But are they really in love? Is David even capable of love? Because he goes back and forth all the time...

"Someone came out of the shadows towards me..."

The description on pages 38 and 39 of the person coming out of the shadows towards David is incredibly dark. We were talking in class about how the portrayal of the gay bars and David's situations are so foreboding...this is a perfect example. The entire description of the "mummy"/"zombie" reveals a dark, menacing, scary undertone:

"thin, black hair was violent with oil"
"The face was white and thoroughly bloodless"
"the shirt was covered in round, paper-thin wafers...which stormed in the light"

That is one of the most intense descriptions of a person that I have ever read. Ever.

Joey

I'd like to say something about Joey. I think that he is an important character - why else would the novel begin with David's experience with Joey?? There must be some significance to the experience and the character. I also agree that the main character is alienated from the audience in the first few pages because of his reaction to his experience with Joey and the horrible ways he deals with his confusion. I understand that David must be confused and conflicted. But what about Joey?!?! How does he feel - not only did he share in the confusing and conflicting experience, but he was also left and forgotten and probably feels even more conflicted and horrible about the whole thing.

I think that this experience with Joey was shared by the author for a reason...there is something there. I'm sure of it.

Freud

Yet another Core book that boggles my mind.

I'm not quite sure what's going on. He keeps going off in tangents that don't really seem to have any connection to the "oceanic" feeling to which he's referring.

I do have one point of contention with Mr. Freud - "I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection." Granted, I usually called for my dad when I had nightmares when I was younger because I probably didn't think my mom was up for battle against pirates and other equally frightening beings. However, I would say that moms do a pretty good job of protecting. And there are multitudes of "childhood needs" that can only be granted by mothers.

Vercueil?

I'm not really sure what the deal is at the end of the book. When she says "Is it time?" and then he responds - "He took me in is arms and held me with mighty force, so that the breath went out of me in a rush. From that embrace there was no warmth to be had."

Did he help her to die? Is that why she asked if it was time? There was another part that was a little disturbing - ""If you want me to help you I'll help you,"he said. He leaned over and took me by the throat, his thumbs resting lightly on my larynx, the three bad fingers bunched under my ear. "Don't," I whispered...my eyes swam with tears."

What's that all about?

This book disturbs me. I don't know what to think of it.

Depressing

This is one of the most depressing books I've ever read. There is hardly a sliver of hope or anything of encouragement. And if there is even that, it is obscured by the consuming sense of misery and death.

The author forces you to love each character. Even against your will, you start to love them. And then the author takes them all away. In the most devastatingly horrible of ways. The death of John was awful. A child. Knowingly submitting to his own murder. He knew. "He was lost, I had no power to save him." (152)

This book is meant to make the reader uncomfortable. Alienated. I am lucky because I cannot fathom something like this happening. But someone, more than just one someone too, has experienced this. So many people and children experienced this. And I am left with a sense of helplessness and isolation.

It didn't get happier.

At all.

PS

This book is kind of a downer. And by kind of, I really mean completely, thoroughly, a total Debbie-Downer.

Maybe it gets happier...

I hope so.

Age of Iron

"Hunger, I thought: it is a hunger of the eyes that I feel, such hunger that I am loath even to blink. These seas, these mountains: I want to burn them upon my sight so deeply that, no matter where I go, they will always be before me."

I have this same feeling a lot. I love going on trips. I can't seem to stop looking out the window. In a car, train, plane, anything, you will probably find me looking out a window. There's so much, almost too much, to see. I want to capture everything that I see - I tend to take a lot of photos. Especially weird ones. Ones that have nothing to do with the trip - the subject is usually just something I want to remember. Photographs allow you to remember more clearly, but the experience is the addicitive part. Especially nature. I just can't stop looking at everything around me. I agree with this woman. She has a good way of explaining it.

Breaks....

I always have so many plans to get ahead in my work and really get a lot done over breaks...and it never happens. Ever. I plan and write lists (which my dad teases me about - saying that I'm confusing action and accomplishment) and I have motivation and goals and everything ready. I slug all of my notebooks and texts in my suitcases - ready to get something done. And then...I get on the plane or train or in the car...and it all goes to hell.

I don't do half of what I've planned, probably even less, and end up sleeping and hanging out with my parents or friends, going to the movies, reading other books not remotely related to Core or any other classes.

And now I am back where I always am - behind in my work and stressing out about midterms and papers that are happening in the way too immediate future.

Good times.

Higher Education

Higher education is a privilege, not necessarily an opportunity for everyone. I am very lucky to have the opportunity to pursue my education further, but a majority of the students at my high school did not have the opportunity to finish high school, much less think about college. I wish that were not the case. I disagree with Du Bois - I don't really believe that there is a talented tenth that deserves higher education. I think that the opportunity to further one's education to one's satisfaction should be granted to all people, regardless of whether or not they fit into the "talented tenth".

Higher education and education in general have a lot of different meanings - it could mean trade school, it could mean training for a job, it could mean completing high school, it could mean completing a master's degree, it could mean taking a community college class, it could mean anything. I think that any of these opportunities can further one's "education". A lot of the learning that we undergo is not learned in a math textbook or a classic work. Granted, this kind of education is vital and important and provides extra insight into the world around us. However, if I've learned anything from Core - it would be the mysterious ways of identity and how it is shaped by experiences and those around us. Perhaps these are the most important factors in developing our minds and feelings.

How does it feel to be a problem?

How horrible must it have been for Du Bois to recognize that he was a problem to society as a whole? His description of his reaction to the girl refusing his calling card? Why was he not impassioned and angry? Perhaps it was just that he had discovered a norm and accepted it. The ways he remembers the reactions of "the other black boys" are interesting - "their youth shrunk into tasteless sycophancy, or into silent hatred of the pale world about them and mocking distrust of everything white; or wasted in a bitter cry, Why did God make me an outcast and a stranger in mine own house?" (4) That whole passage is very moving -"the sons of night who must plod darkly on in resignation, or beat unavailing palms against the stone, or steadily, half hopelessly, watch the streak of blue above." The passage is very bleak and depressing. The reactions of the people and their options are so hopeless.

This first chapter has really caught my interest. It has left me wondering what is to come from Du Bois....

Sputnik Sweetheart + Author

I am wondering why this man Haruki Murakami chose this particular subject matter to write about. I can't seem to be able to imagine how he connects to this plot or these characters. And it is really intriguing because the story is written in a semi-stream of consciousness way. I am always curious about how authors relate to their works....whether it's based on real life or just completely made up or has elements of someone else's life....very interesting to me.

When We Dead Awaken

I read this essay and immediately thought of what we've been learning in my Environmental Ethics class. We have been discussing ecofeminism and how oppression of the environment and women are connected. After reading many of Adrienne Rich's poems, I've begun to think that she would be an excellent candidate for an ecofeminist.

Adrienne Rich has made me wonder a lot. I wonder if we are in the age of an awakening? Would one be able to tell that we're in the process of awakening? What are we awakening to? Are only those looking back at the past aware of any awakening?


Just some questions that have been brought to mind after reading this.

Aunt Jennifer's Tigers

I wish that there was some sort of all-knowing, all-explaining key to these poems.

I don't really like interpreting them by myself. What if I'm interpreting them wrong? What if I'm ruining what Adrienne Rich was originally trying to say? I'm afraid that she's going to happen upon my blog and just break down because I've twisted her words so horribly. That probably won't happen, but there's always the possibility. . . .

I wish that I knew what these poems meant. Although, I suppose that the point of writing poems is for readers interpret them. But we all come from different backgrounds and have had different experiences. How can one of us be "right"? What is the right way to interpret these poems?...only Adrienne Rich knows the right way.

I wonder what she meant. That's what poems are meant to do. Make you wonder. But I don't want to wonder forever. I want there to be an ending.