Freud

Yet another Core book that boggles my mind.

I'm not quite sure what's going on. He keeps going off in tangents that don't really seem to have any connection to the "oceanic" feeling to which he's referring.

I do have one point of contention with Mr. Freud - "I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection." Granted, I usually called for my dad when I had nightmares when I was younger because I probably didn't think my mom was up for battle against pirates and other equally frightening beings. However, I would say that moms do a pretty good job of protecting. And there are multitudes of "childhood needs" that can only be granted by mothers.

Vercueil?

I'm not really sure what the deal is at the end of the book. When she says "Is it time?" and then he responds - "He took me in is arms and held me with mighty force, so that the breath went out of me in a rush. From that embrace there was no warmth to be had."

Did he help her to die? Is that why she asked if it was time? There was another part that was a little disturbing - ""If you want me to help you I'll help you,"he said. He leaned over and took me by the throat, his thumbs resting lightly on my larynx, the three bad fingers bunched under my ear. "Don't," I whispered...my eyes swam with tears."

What's that all about?

This book disturbs me. I don't know what to think of it.

Depressing

This is one of the most depressing books I've ever read. There is hardly a sliver of hope or anything of encouragement. And if there is even that, it is obscured by the consuming sense of misery and death.

The author forces you to love each character. Even against your will, you start to love them. And then the author takes them all away. In the most devastatingly horrible of ways. The death of John was awful. A child. Knowingly submitting to his own murder. He knew. "He was lost, I had no power to save him." (152)

This book is meant to make the reader uncomfortable. Alienated. I am lucky because I cannot fathom something like this happening. But someone, more than just one someone too, has experienced this. So many people and children experienced this. And I am left with a sense of helplessness and isolation.

It didn't get happier.

At all.

PS

This book is kind of a downer. And by kind of, I really mean completely, thoroughly, a total Debbie-Downer.

Maybe it gets happier...

I hope so.

Age of Iron

"Hunger, I thought: it is a hunger of the eyes that I feel, such hunger that I am loath even to blink. These seas, these mountains: I want to burn them upon my sight so deeply that, no matter where I go, they will always be before me."

I have this same feeling a lot. I love going on trips. I can't seem to stop looking out the window. In a car, train, plane, anything, you will probably find me looking out a window. There's so much, almost too much, to see. I want to capture everything that I see - I tend to take a lot of photos. Especially weird ones. Ones that have nothing to do with the trip - the subject is usually just something I want to remember. Photographs allow you to remember more clearly, but the experience is the addicitive part. Especially nature. I just can't stop looking at everything around me. I agree with this woman. She has a good way of explaining it.

Breaks....

I always have so many plans to get ahead in my work and really get a lot done over breaks...and it never happens. Ever. I plan and write lists (which my dad teases me about - saying that I'm confusing action and accomplishment) and I have motivation and goals and everything ready. I slug all of my notebooks and texts in my suitcases - ready to get something done. And then...I get on the plane or train or in the car...and it all goes to hell.

I don't do half of what I've planned, probably even less, and end up sleeping and hanging out with my parents or friends, going to the movies, reading other books not remotely related to Core or any other classes.

And now I am back where I always am - behind in my work and stressing out about midterms and papers that are happening in the way too immediate future.

Good times.